It is dishonest to begin a relationship
thinking you can change or fix another
A relationship, in the truest sense of the word, means relating to another. When we say that we relate to someone, it is usually because we’ve found common ground. But part of relating is finding ways to make different ideas come together. So often, when we choose relationships, we try to fit another person into our predetermined ideal. When they don’t fit perfectly, we may try to make them over, creating our own vision from the raw material they’ve brought. But unless we are asked for guidance and direction, entering a relationship with someone we want to change is dishonest. Then our relationship becomes with someone we’ve imagined, and anytime our partner steps outside of that imaginary projection, we will be disappointed. An honest relationship is one in which we accept each other as whole individuals and find a way to share our life experiences together. Then, whenever we want, we can choose as a couple to give the relationship a makeover by renewing the way we interact.
By wanting to give another person a makeover, we are saying we don’t accept them for who they are. If we take a moment to imagine the roles reversed, we can see how it would feel if our beloved committed to us only because they thought we were, or would become, someone else entirely. In such an environment, we are not relating to each other from a real place, and we are keeping ourselves from being able to learn and grow from the different viewpoints our partners offer.
If we feel that a change is needed in our relationship, the only makeover we have the power to make is on ourselves. By accepting our partners for exactly who they are — the ideal and the not-so-ideal — we will create an energetic shift in our relationships, and we may find ourselves really appreciating our partners for the first time. Working from within, we determine how we relate to the people and the world around us, and when we can accept it and embrace it all, without conditions, we make every act of relating a positive one.
Jeanne Clark, RN, MSN, NC-BC
The Emerald Door
8 Elm Street
Huntington, NY 11743
https://jeanne-clark-rn-msn-nc-bc.square.site
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